SPIDER-MAN NOIR & SPIDER-HAM

MARVEL LEGENDS

“In an alternate universe where it’s still 1933, Peter Parker is a hard-boiled private eye who likes to drink egg creams and fight bad guys…a lot!  Peter Porker was a mild-mannered spider before the bite from a radioactive pig transformed him…into the Spectacular Spider-Ham!”

Tie-ins to the first Spider-Verse movie were at a minimum at the time of its theatrical run, so we had to wait until a fair bit later to finally get proper Legends treatment for any of its characters.*  When we finally did get anything, it was folded into a larger Spidey-assortment of the main line, so we got a very barebones version of the cast, leaving some of the side Spiders out in the cold.  One of the most glaring omissions was Spider-Man Noir, the Nicholas Cage-voiced 1930s detective Spidey.  Sure, we had comics Noir, but that’s hardly the same thing.  But, now we’ve *also* got the movie one.  Oh, and another Spider-Ham, I guess.

THE FIGURES THEMSELVES

Spider-Man Noir and Spider-Ham are a Target-exclusive Marvel Legends offering from late last year.  They were billed as a two pack, and, well, that’s just wrong.  Like, yes, there are two characters included, but only one of them is a proper figure.  The Spider-Ham is just the same one that was included with Spider-Gwen (albeit with the slightest tweak on the shade of blue), and she wasn’t billed as a two-pack.  I can’t blame them for wanting to get Ham back out there, mind you, especially with Gwen getting an update for the new movie.  I just don’t agree with the billing of it is all.  Anyway, I’m just gonna look at Noir now.  The figure stands about 6 1/2 inches tall and he has 30 points of articulation.  Noir starts with an interesting bit of re-use: T’Challa Star-Lord.  He’s got the torso, pelvis, upper legs, knees, and hands from that figure.  I definitely wasn’t expecting to see them turn back up here, and they weren’t my favorite pieces the first time around, but they actually work out better in the context than I’d expected.  He gets a new head, arms, and lower legs, as well as add-ons for his collar, jacket, and belt.  The whole thing adds up to a figure that’s a pretty good half-step between the first movie’s slightly more dialed into the usual Legends aesthetic set-up and the more animation accurate figures from the second film, which is nice, since it means he fits okay with both.  I actually quite like the dynamic nature of the coat; usually I’m not as big on such things, but the flair works really well for the character, and winds up being more versatile than it seems at first glance.  The one downside to the sculpt, for me, is the hands, which are both gripping.  It’s not the end of the world, but I do wish he had the proper hands for some fisticuffs; they’re just basic black hands, though, so it shouldn’t be impossible to supply my own.  In terms of paint work, he’s actually a lot better than expected.  Rather than go for straight black for the whole figure, there’s actually hightlights, which even have the halftone printing signatue to Noir’s coloring in the movie.  Noir is packed with an alternate head with the hat removed, as well as a small pistol.  And also the Spider-Ham, but he’s not officially classified that way, I guess.

THE ME HALF OF THE EQUATION

Noir is my favorite of the alternate Spiders from the first movie, so I was definitely more than a little let-down by him being completely left out of all the tie-in stuff.  This one fills me with mixed emotions.  He was a Target-exclusive, and not the easiest to acquire at that, and on top of that, there’s the weird two-pack thing and the upcharge that accompanied it.  But I wanted a Noir, and I was getting a Noir, so I did get a Noir.  And he’s a good Noir.  Slightly too expensive and packed with a Ham I didn’t need, but a good Noir figure just the same.

*There was a shoddy repaint pack of Miles and Gwen at the time, but that hardly counts.