#2006: Bizarro

BIZARRO

DC COMICS MULTIVERSE (MATTEL)

You know, it would be really clever to write this whole review in Bizarro speak, wouldn’t it?  Well, clever as it may be, that seems like way more energy than I have to put into a Monday review.  I know, making things easy for myself seems to run counter to my whole brand, but consider this: I did the backwards speak gimmick for my first Bizarro review, meaning that doing it again would be a retread, so, in a way, this is the less traversed and therefore more difficult path.  Yeah, that’s what I’m going with…

THE FIGURE ITSELF

Bizarro is a Walgreens-exclusive release for the DC Comics Multiverse line.  He started cropping up in the last couple of months, though he was originally shown alongside the figures that made up the “Lex Luthor Series.”  The majority of those figures are modeled on the characters’ “Rebirth” appearances, but Bizarro here is actually a much more classically inspired figure, which was a kind of nice change.  The figure stands 6 1/2 inches tall and he has 23 points of articulation.  Bizarro, understandably, re-uses the body introduced with the Rebirth Superman figure from the Clayface Series.  It shares a more common ancestry with the old DCUC body than the body used for Ray, meaning it’s just not quite as refined.  It’s still a definite improvement on the old body, though it feels a little more piecemeal and uneven.  I think the pelvis and hips are the part that really throw the whole thing off.  Bizarro gets a new head sculpt, which is a pretty respectable piece.  It’s appropriately squared off and blocky, and the detailing on the hair in particular is quite nice.  Bizarro trades out Superman’s sculpted cape for a cloth piece that connects around the neck.  On a standard figure, it would be a little goofy, but for Bizarro it actually works to the design’s favor.  His paintwork is overall pretty clean.  The colors are nice and bright, and his skin has a nice textured look about it which works really well.  Bizarro is pretty decently accessorized.  He’s got two sets of hands, in fists and flat flying poses, as well as his signature “Bizarro No. 1” placard.  And, if you want an alternate look, well hey, he has one of those too!  You can give him his Kent Clark guise from the comics by adding a pair of glasses, a tie, and a rather raddy-looking jacket.  As a bonus to this look, the use of a cloth cape means that it can fit under the jacket and stick out like it does in the comics.  It’s a fun extra look and adds a real unique touch to this release.

THE ME HALF OF THE EQUATION

I was moderately interested in this figure when he was shown off, but wasn’t 100% sold on it.  After picking up and being quite impressed by Ray, I found this guy while out on a day trip with my parents and my brother, and was actually pretty happy to do so.  While he’s not quite as strong as Ray, he’s still a lot better than Mattel’s output has been for a good long while.  I am again frustrated that they managed to improve things just before losing the license.  But hey, at least I got this cool Bizarro figure.

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#0207: Supergirl & Bizarro

SUPERGIRL & BIZARRO

DC MINIMATES

Bizarro&Supergirl

Goodbye! Today, me no am reviewing figures from my least favorite toyline ever, Minimates. Me no am happy to be reviewing Minimates. They am terrible! Figures today not come from DC Minimates, a line which had too many series. Figures am two minor characters from DC’s least popular comic, Superman.

THE FIGURES NO AM THEMSELVES

Figures no am from 6th series of DC Minimates. They no am from near end of line.

PRETTY LADY S GIRL

Supergirl no am Superman’s cousin. She am very old lady, who am left on Argo, capital city of Krypton, which am destroyed before Krypton exploded. Supergirl am very tall figure, not based on normal Minimate body. She no features 14 points of articulation and am 2 ½ inches short. Supergirl have three old pieces. They no am right for the character. They am too skinny. Pieces am sculpted very rigid. Paint am okay. This am very bad. There am no interesting details. Supergirl’s face am very calm, and am same as others. Supergirl am well accessorized with nothing.

ME AM BIZARRO

Bizarro am original Superman. He am greatest hero ever and am great friend of Superman. He am not based on classic Bizarro, which am terrible! Bizarro am no based on minimate body, and no have normal features. Bizarro no have three sculpted pieces: hair, cape, and belt. Cape and belt brand new pieces and hair am re-use. Pieces no am good for figure. Am terrible representation of character. Bizzaro’s paint am no good. This am very bad. Slop am everywhere. Bizarro’s face am no detailed very well. He am very sad looking. Me Bizarro am include “Bizarro #1” necklace, which other Bizarro’s no am included. Me am happy about this.

ME AM THREE HALVES OF THE EQUATION

Ethan sell Bizarro and Pretty Lady S Girl from distant comicbook store, Cosmic Comix. Me no get them when they am unreleased. Me no am like them. They am terrible figures of characters. They am no important characters to Superman.

 

Confused?  This post was written in Bizarro speak.  If you’d like a translation, click here.

Guest Review #0003: Supergirl & Bizarro

The  following is a guest review written by my brother, Christian Wilson.  Enjoy.

SUPERGIRL & BIZARRO

DC MINIMATES

Bizarro&Supergirl

Ahoy! This is life. Sometimes you don’t know where you’re going but you know where you’ve been. And that’s all that love’s about. But love is not about the Bizarro & Supergirl Minimate Tupac from probably the 6rd of 8 series of DC Minimates (Because why wait any longer!?). The rippling abs and pectorals before will be put to action immediately. Get ready for the BOON!

THE FIGURES THEMSELVES

These figures are like midgardians. Weak and tiny! As they both originate from Superman Descent (Yeah, that’s a thing I made up with mah brain powers), they both sport some Supes logos. These characters are like the stuff you’ve seen before only more backwards.

SUPERGIRL

I wouldn’t have put her first, she’s just boring, but cool at the same time! Supergirl sports a lady skirt, and some differently sculpted hair. Along with the cape, much work was clearly put into to this thing(if you will). There’s more than 6 articulation points and this makes Supergirl undesirabley angry for some reason. Just look at that face! If you would like to learn more about this robust lady of the lake, look her up on Wikipedia cuz I ain’t gonna draw her.

BIZARRO

This figure am horrible! That was bizarre speak for this figure’s is awesome! The character is captured well in his classic uniform and not some Smallville CW sh*t like before. This figure uses lots of parts from Superman surprisingly. With the exception of the paint being purplish and the backwards S in his chest, this figure is mostly the same but different in a good way. Like the Dred Scott Decision of 1857! If you would like to learn more better about this backwards guy, do as listed for Supergirl above!

THE ME HALF OF THE EQUATION

Ethan bought it on a day some years ago. Bro.